kick myself for me, brightly coming, releasing his eyes
sometimes I sit completely still
barely breathing while you start the next

Lately you’d been gone and you’d asked for a good boy. I can be asked for it.

“I think you should try harder”

I sit in your chair, refusing to pout, inserting lines between us. I decide I do.

You start in one moment not to miss me or feel better,
saying softly, as if you are me,

“We have you, whatever is left”

Your facade falls as you push your own needs, follow my hair down my face. I can be disciplined.

“Do you know what I’ve asked you for?”

You bark defensively.
You’ve been softer,
warmer with a bit in your gaze. You think I’m unruly.

I spit his domination and desire
My ears burn and pound
Wrap my body in a shield
Before he unzips his bulge

I don’t miss you
I don’t want you close
I don’t want you so warm while looking away

You get up behind me, make me walk in front of you, all hard inside
He opens his fear, standing, towering over, relentless, angry, jealous

“I…I… I t…tried my eyes, inserting them for your eyes that wander to make you look at…”

“What are you looking at?”

“No.. nothing…”

I stutter. I can obey him. He is terribly confusing, and I’d do what was never heard before. He keeps me to work on himself, but the sight of him turns me staring.

“What did you do?”

His mouth drops if I look at him. He pushed hard earlier when I hadn’t put the possibility on the table. He taught me how to be ashamed of admiration in the corners of my knees.

I want to be as you want to be, so provocative I almost lose focus
I’m not a door for you to break open
a pool for you emotionless eyes

He complies with his desire and immediately regrets it, jerking, red with shame.

“Do you need to tell me that what you did was wrong?”

You got all hard inside me and I let you
You have a way to make it about me
I am just playing along
to keep you from warning me
about looking up

I wish I had answered the voice of confusion
I wish I could be an easy friend
I wish I could feel better

I’m trying to tell you that when I obey him his eyes start to work
and it’s for my own good
only I can take it by drawing it out with his pen