I’m fine but I couldn’t follow you, especially when I feel worthless. That twists your concerns. You say it wasn’t possible. I hate the part of you that thinks I could hurt. I want to disappear. But it grows when moments trap us into anger. I let my empathy hurt you? I am motivated by it? You just took the part of me that was happy and cut a hole in it. Call me if you find yourself in the reality where I am. We can laugh about all the things that are getting to our hearts.

The things I distrust are made more explicit. You don’t see me into submission, but I do. I lost the chance to bring the monsters into our inauthentic interactions. Its terrifying. You were talking about sex, so I wasn’t listening. I will hold you. But he will find you at ease and bring the kill.

I’m motivated by our friendship; when it’s cut off it’s the most important. I am motivated by ideas when I can associate all of their meanings beforehand. Its the why of it all; why you think I’m drawn to cause harm.

You said its about projection. In the subtle ways I shut you out. I enliven the muck that motivates you to cross me out. That part is not unusual for myself when I’m alone. Intuitively I won’t speak my desire; blame me if I can’t know my desire. My approach can be provocative.

I understand I have your conditional support and I’d rather pack it up and shut down. I have this funny thing. I lose trust. I feel strongly that you think you’re worthless. That you will softly project my fear of how fragile we are, what I want with you, and how trapped I am in assumptions.

Sometimes our feelings are intertwined and that’s when we are at risk of conflict. I become invested in each millimeter between us. I don’t want you. It’s not possible. It’s generative.

I blame you for being magnetic. It’s intensely physical and will take some time. Its too much and I couldn’t express my sense of it, of synchronicity and expansive love. That’s what I…just don’t call me out. Direct conversation cuts too close to my other layers. It’s not intentional that I open myself to that.

I’m ok. I can work with you.