afternoon

You should just find yourself drifting from the afternoon. I needed you. Its not me. I hear you like someone else said it. I only imagined saying it. She will frighten me again deeply.

My vision has dropped into long cries under the ground. I only imagined saying she’s sorry. I think it was fated that you would push us together, or it’s just your mouth. I stumble backward in a lie.

When I think of aggression, I mask it in my own mumbling, naked from the rest of the energy that is sweat. You say “look up here” and pull me up on her arms. You have no idea why I want to laugh quietly, nervously just before I feel a twinge of energy — that or tears.

The top of my tongue is precious on your face, close to see down into your hands. You grab your own jealousy when you look at my hips. I still have no idea how much you understand.

“Maybe she is resting on the last time you want?” You come into her breathless, wanting body.

Maybe she knows how much longer you’ve felt a deeper pain from the shape of energy that is in my sweat. Tell me if you’ve told her with your boots on her lips and my eyes. I feel your lives. I touch you. I want to be there. When she comes she’s telling of fear in the pitch of jealousy at all so soft and somewhat awkwardly, and open. She is part of him.

I see that brings tears to come back. So I do you through me.

I resist the afternoon. It’s completely absurd.

necessary

I didn’t know anyone could hear me
write a riddle
design a game
study, advance, retreat

I didn’t know I could speak
learn a language
you speak me

I’m digging it up
crack weeds at the root
be taboo, say it provocative

I’m tending to my wounds
open yours
break me apart at the seams

My guts are spilling out around you
its ok
i’m fine

give me violence, give me sex
Let me feel you

I’m silent and you’re listening
your tender fingers trace the surface of my walls
your cheek is pressing against my glass heart

I’m digging to loosen all the ground
my spade could split you in two
my sex would penetrate your heart

tend to me, hold me
please
Please

I kept me

I lost my gender in white lies. That’s the hardest thing about who I am and what you are to me. I write with anger and gratefulness as you read my words nearby. I have been afraid you will address the affection I project onto us, that I might lose you. I will bind my tears to it, with gratefulness, open to thinking love is unknowable.

I need to be interpreted in our relationship. I remember that aspect of each letter, where the other person takes all of my heart. The times I was going through sacrifice were when I felt your most desperate moments. I could receive your presence through my own difficulties and become more thoughtful each time.

Your presence, your touch that I wanted. Everything you are. But my attraction plays outside of your perspective, predictable as non-attachment and antagonism.

What about you in this conversation? I leave so much unexplained and just try to figure out whether it can be said. I do it in action, but not giving anything through my body. I want to lead and feel your desire as if we are normal human beings.

I knew myself in you and I kept me.

inside

I had to focus just to say
are you there?
I read dreams and visions to find my reality
become more poetically erotic
shed our skin to find clarity

I was sweating nervously in his subjectivity
What if it was something about what he did?

Safely twisted I reside inside a fantasy
but when I enter him I meet his virility
he is afraid to be seen, drunk, without will
I rape myself with my own subjectivity

Just take some notes make observations
construct a man
Let him out for a few days where he can be playful
clever

I’m in the men’s room gagging on his hard edges and my lived experience
write my own anger in his energy

I do
it is the difference between us